My grad school experience, in a nutshell.

So I was cleaning out my email and I came across one I wrote to a friend who was abroad back in January. I would like to reproduce an excerpt from it, because I'm pretty sure it's the absolute best representative of my experience in grad school that I could ever come up with.

Without further ado, I present to you the hell that is my life. All names have been removed because despite all the evidence to the contrary, I do try to remain a decent person.

Uh, so school. I have this group project for my regional planning glass and it is the worst. The project itself is kind of bad, we have to analyze a local community and try to figure out a project they could do to improve the town, and how we as planners could help, specifically through the use of finance tools. Blegh. As if that wasn't bad enough, the only reason I'm allowed to be in the class via my department is provided I keep it preservation focused. So I'm like, okay, we can do this. They have a historic district. Cool.

Too bad I got stuck with THE MOST AGGRAVATING GROUP MEMBERS EVER.

So first, there's (guy I will refer to as Beardy). He's the only one of us three who is actually a planning major so theoretically he should be helpful right? Nope. He's a total douche. He's one of those who's a TA in the department and thinks he's the shit, and feels the need to contribute comments constantly in class that are usually not relevant but remind us all that he's been there forever. 

Then, there's (girl I will refer to as Blondie). She talks like the blue monstar from Space Jam, no joke. She's a sustainable development major, kind of (by kind of I mean she's an Appalachian Studies major, which I think makes my top 5 list of most useless majors ever) which should work just fine with historic preservation, but not if you're a dick like Blondie. She has this really frustrating, irrevocable obsession with greenways and has made this clear from day one. For example, a conversation with her would go something like this:

Me: So I was thinking that Beardy and I have similar interests with commercial development, and maybe we could work with that.
Blondie: Right but they're working on this Greenway.
*5 minutes later*
Me: Yeah I know there are tax credits available for revitalizing factories and mills...
Blondie: Right there's this incentive for Greenways...
etc.

So guess what our project is about.

 

I seriously sat down with them during the last meeting (which btw I missed the first one cause they didn't tell me about it) and said guys, look, I don't wanna be a dick but I NEED this project to relate to preservation for me to get credit for this class. And they were like, oh, yeah totally, and told me all the ways that it related.

 

So our first assignment was due today, which I wrote up, and I tried to combine interest in a freaking greenway with preservation. And Blondie commented ALL over it like "Oh maybe I misunderstood the project but I thought we were focusing on the greenway". And so I'm like, cool, guess so, fuck me, it's fine. At least she provided feedback.. I tried to ask Beardy if we needed to include other things and he either wouldn't answer me or didn't seem to care. The other grad students' paper was 8 pages. Ours was 2.

This is my life right now.

 

Luckily I won't fail the class cause we also have an independent research project and mine is actually relevant to my life, so that's good. But seriously, fuck this shit.

 

Super fun times, yeah? My friend, upon responding to this mess, said, "I can't believe that these things happen to you, and sadly I feel like it is always happening." Which is exactly right. I am a magnet for stupidity and frustration. Either that, or my snark simply exacerbates the problem.

 

At least it makes for good entertainment, right?

"Things I can't say..." Part II.

This one isn't going to be as tame.

Backstory: A "friend" of mine posted a status about how he can't understand why any logical, intelligent person would vote for Obama, blah blah blah. I responded by saying "some of us care about people more than money". A friend of his challenged me, and I posted several links of examples of Obama's policies helping people (women, the elderly, etc.) His girlfriend's momma (she gets a 'momma' cause she's one of those Jesus-lovin' southern ladies who was raised 'raght, y'all!) responded early this morning. It gets its own post, because there are so many things I just have to comment on (read: bitch about, yell about, rant and rave about, etc.). Here we go. I hope you're sitting down.

"There is so much more wrong now than fair pay for women and gay rights.....our economy is so screwed up and headed for my disaster now that O is president again. Women who are concerned about fair pay should be wondering if they will have a job at all soon. Your parents & grandparents under Obamacare will not have much say in the care they receive - Obamacare decides whether or not their life should be sustained. Millions of babies can now be killed right up to the day of birth and even when partially born. Lord Jesus, we need you now. Please be with our country."

We're gonna take this one in sections.

1. "There is so much more wrong now than fair pay for women and gay rights"
Since she's a woman, we'll deal with that first. Lady, call me crazy, but I think the fact that a female in such a high position like Lilly Ledbetter being paid significantly less than her male counterparts simple because she has a vagina is disgraceful. The economy doesn't give a damn about your anatomical makeup. Milk and gas are the same price for everyone. But the fact that so many corporations believe they can pay you less just because you have different hormones is a much bigger deal than the economy if you ask me. I know a lot of you reading this at home are like, "But the economy is causing homelessness and joblessness and everything is so expensive!" Okay. You're right. But, there is something so fundamentally fucked-up about a society that still cannot see women as people- whole, real, functional people- that it thinks its perfectly fine to pay them less for jobs that are just as stressful, just as demanding, and require just as many qualifications. Last I checked, "penis" was not a requirement to run a company.

And, if we're playing the "but women don't belong in the workplace because they're subservient to men and are supposed to cook and bear children", like Mitt Romney thinks, don't they deserve more pay? How many single moms are out there working to support themselves and their kids? And, I don't know if you realized, but being a female is expensive. Papsmears and mammograms and birth control and hygiene products ain't cheap y'all, and that's if you're healthy. So many insurers won't cover "pre-existing conditions", which by the way, includes pregnancy. Plus, our ever-so-wonderful American culture expects women to look pristine every single day, and you'd better believe that we get criticized if we don't. "She's too fat", "She's too skinny", "Her teeth are yellow", "Her tits are too small", "Ugh, put on some lipstick!", "She wears too much makeup", "Her hair is awful!", etc. Last I checked, most men don't need an hour to get ready in the morning. Or a curling iron. Or shampoo that costs $20 a bottle so their hair won't go flat. Or lipstick. 

So, let's recap. It's not important for women to receive equal pay, even though being a woman is expensive. Archaic thinking like this is scary. Furthermore, if we can pay our women correctly, they're less likely to be in debt. Thus helping the economy as a whole. But women like this don't understand that, because they're too busy bitching about the economy and praying that the mouth of hell doesn't open up under their feet because we have a liberal president. 

Now, the gays. This is such a sensitive issue for me, because some of my very dearest friends are gay and are wonderful people, and two of them have been together for 10+ years. That's commitment. Half the straight marriages in American can't say that. The idea that gay marriage threatens the sacred institution is completely absurd when you have women like Kim Kardashian running around having 7month long marriages.

As for this lady, she is absolutely correct in saying that gay marriage and financial issues are not of the same caliber. And that's why it's so completely ridiculous that nothing has been done about it. Maine, Massachusetts, Maryland, Washington, New York, New Hampshire, Vermont, Iowa, and Connecticut all allow gay marriages. Has it sent them into bankruptcy? Nope. In fact, I'll bet its done nothing but help their economies. Marriage licenses cost money. So do receptions. And limos. All money that a couple will put back into the state, either directly as legal costs or indirectly by spending it in local businesses. Fixing the economy is such a huge issue, so why the hell can't my friends get married? You're right, we do have bigger problems than gay marriage. So let it happen, and let them spend their money in your state instead of going to New York and spending it there.

(I have so many other issues with this, but I'm trying to keep it as tame as possible.)

2. "Your parents & grandparents under Obamacare will not have much say in the care they receive - Obamacare decides whether or not their life should be sustained."
Alright. Obamacare does include cuts to Medicare. However, the idea that cutting pay to hospitals and hospice will result in killing old people is ridiculous. It's a healthcare provider's job to provide healthcare (seems pretty self-explanatory doesn't it?) and if they lack the funding to do so properly, the answer is not to let their patients die. Seriously?  Any well-run business knows that! ALso last I checked, Obamacare doesn't say "You will go to this hospital or this elderly care facility or else". Lack I checked, it doesn't force the elderly into government-run medical facilities that do whatever they please with their patients. Stop being so dramatic.

Speaking of dramatic, my grandma, who has diabetes and arthritis, was terrified of Mitt Romney and his healthcare plans. His general strategy is to say, "It's okay, you can always go to the emergency room!". Just like kids trying to go to college can ask their parents for money, right?

3. "Millions of babies can now be killed right up to the day of birth and even when partially born."
I just don't even know where to start with this.

So, we can't be concerned about women's rights and gay rights, but you're concerned about unborn babies. We can't even take care of the people we currently have in the world, we restrict rights and pay and the economy is suffering, but you want every baby to have the right to be born, no matter the circumstances? You are placing the rights of partially-developed, unborn humans over those of homosexuals and women. And you don't see the flaw in that?


Let's play a game. Say Romney wins, Ryan gets his way, and abortion is outlawed. What do we get?
-more children with single moms that can't support them
-more children with birth defects due to drug use, alcohol abuse, etc.
-children whose parents don't have the time or the interest in taking care of them
-more children with teenage mothers, who lack the emotional maturity to take care of them
-more children who suffer divorce, if their parents married out of obligation from the pregnancy
-women permanently injured and dead from trying to obtain illegal abortions, or from trying to abort themselves
-more children in orphanages, foster homes, etc. with no real home who were given up for adoption

And for what benefit? Really, tell me. To please your god? I completely understand being morally against abortion, and honestly, I don't think I could do it under most circumstances. But that does not give me, or anyone, the right to choose for everyone, thus endangering lives.

4. "Lord Jesus, we need you now. Please be with our country."
This is my issue with so many Christians. I discussed this a little bit yesterday, but not as extensively as I want to. This was absolutely the final straw, and what sent me spiraling into liberal anger.

This mentality that so many Christians have that they can ignore what's going on around them when it's convenient, because they are not of this world and Jesus will swoop in and save them someday is what drives me the most crazy. Has anyone been abducted lately? Not that I know of. You're stuck here, with all of us. Even the liberals. Wake up, and deal with it.

Jesus came to this earth to teach man how to care for man. Period. Not to say, "Oh hey, write a book about me so that all my faithful will be ready for me when I come back for them." Not to say "y'all are special, and I'm sorry you're stuck with all these other losers, but just try to put up with them til I come back for you." To say, "This is how you should live."  Look:

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:34-35)

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. (John 4:7) 

For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should walk in his steps. (Peter 2:21)

I once heard a saying, that it does no good to pray in a room with no windows. And I think that's the strategy of so many Christians. Instead of deciding how best to cope with the world around them, they go and hide in their windowless rooms and pray for all of the bad men to go away, and all of the bad things, and for justice to once again be restored to the world. But they don't do anything about it except tell college girls how wrong they are on Facebook and talk about the rapture. 

I know I'm being unfair, because most of my experiences are from the south and there are plenty of wonderful people in American who do take action. I've had the privilege of knowing quite a few of them. But I've also known far too many people to pray for everything to get better, rather than doing anything about it, and who condemn the nation because the "good Christian candidate" didn't get elected.

All I have to say is, I hope you enjoy the rapture.
   
  

Things I cannot say or respond to on Facebook.

1. "I'm glad 100% of my faith and trust is in God and not man."

This particular quote stands in for a litany of others, some fairly tame, and others begging us to "pray for America" as if we're about to enter nuclear war. 

First of all, many people don't think I'm very religious. That's a fair assessment, because I don't subscribe to conventional Christian doctrine. I disagree with so many of the restrictive, hateful beliefs Christianity promotes- or rather, that Christians justify with their faith.  However, if you actually get to know me, I have a fairly complex and well-thought out set of beliefs that I would be happy to talk to you about. I assure all of you that I did pray- and pray hard- about this election. The aspects of Christianity I do believe in, and believe very strongly in, are embodied wholeheartedly in President Barak Obama and his wife Michelle, and I have yet to see even a glimpse of the integrity, humility, and compassion in Governor Romney. If we're using Jesus as a role model, and we should, we should be more than willing to share our wealth with the less-fortunate, feed the hungry and clothe and house the homeless and the suffering. We should treat the sick and the infirm with care and respect. And we should be focused on people, specifically loving all people, no matter what. Period. Now, which one of those candidates does that sound most like to you?

The real issue I have with this particular quote has been the root of my frustration with so many politicians in recent memory: the belief that God, acting as the all-powerful and all-knowing giant scary being that he is, has complete and direct control over everything that goes on down here.

No. Not true. And I can prove it, Biblically. 

Again, if you use Jesus as a role model, his life was all about creating an example. Did you see God come down and smite anyone while Jesus lived? Sure, its arguable that Jesus was God incarnate and that's why he didn't really appear as anything but a disembodied voice. But. There were no catastrophic floods, no mountains moving on their own, etc. That's because, as Jesus preached, it's up to us to be good to each other. It's up to man to take care of man. I can't tell you how many times I've heard someone say that "God is working through" you or me or him or her or whatever. Also, heard the song that goes "I wanna be your hands, I wanna be your feet"? Same point. Furthermore, if you believe that man was given free will, which most people do, God cannot control you. My issue with this quote is that he seems to believe that men have no control over their lives or the lives of others, that everyone is a puppet in a really long, really interesting show. And yet, Christian beliefs directly contradict that idea.

2. Mitt Romney's own state- Massachusetts- elected Obama 60% to 38%. 

Massachusetts is where the "Governor" in Governor Romney came from. If this fact doesn't tell you something about him as a politician without me having to explain, your critical thinking skills are severely lacking.

3. "I'm sorry but when our empire fails...gay rights, abortion, and women's rights aren't going to matter. When we are so far into debt that another country owns us....nothing will matter and nobody will have rights. America will never agree morally on anything. But when someone is not qualified to pick this country up and people actually voted him in for anther 4 years. Don't you people see....there won't be another 4 years. Although I'm young, I work 2 jobs own a home and a car, have a serious medical condition with serious medical bills that are over my head, and barely making it...do you think anyone is going to help me ???? We need more jobs and money not more welfare and non working people taking advantage of the system. If you get it for free...why in the hell would you work for it? I could go on for days. Sorry if I offended anyone...I'm pro choice...for gay rights...and for everyone living the way they want...but as for America... we just made yet another " One Big A$$ Mistake America". My daddy is frowning down from heaven today..for sure. Thats all."

I have the following issues with this rant:

- "Empire". No. People who think of America as an empire are the same people dragging us into unnecessary wars, discounting huge sections of the population, who implemented and maintained slavery for hundreds of years, and the same people who believe things like millionaires deserve get tax breaks because it's a hard job ruling over everyone else. Like Mitt Romney. 

- "There won't be another four years." Yes, because the world is ending in December. I forgot.

- Repealing Obamacare would definitely help you with those medical bills.

- "I work two jobs" and "we need more jobs". Contradiction number one.

- "we need more jobs" "non-working people taking advantage of the system... if you get it for free why in the hell would you work for it?" Contradiction number two. (as a side note, myself and my grandmother are part of that magic 47% getting that government aid.  She medically can't work, and I work my ass off.. I had 4 jobs this summer, and I'm taking an overload of classes to finish my degree as soon as possible)

-"gay rights... and women's rights aren't going to matter." You just discounted over half the population right there. Oh, and YOU ARE A WOMAN. Hope you don't get pregnant.

4. Students in Mississippi rioting over Obama's victory:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/johnstanton/university-of-mississippi-students-riot-over-obama

Okay, so I did comment on this. But not directly, and not as extensively as I wanted to. People say racism is a dead issue, at least when it comes to African Americans. This article, short as it is, is proof that that is absolutely not the case. Everyone laughs when I tell stories about living in Alabama and South Carolina, thinking, "How could these people possibly exist? This is 2012! Slavery is no more, phrenology has been proven crap, and we have a black president!" I worry about the life of that black president every single day that he's in office, because these young people setting signs on fire and screaming racial slurs will be the same people to grow up and buy guns, and teach their kids that they're better than the black kids they go to school with. Have I always been thrilled with election results? Nope. But I assure you, my first reaction would never be violence. 

5. "Well might as well quit work and live on welfare like the rest of the country seems to do."

I've already pointed out a lot of my problems with this type of thinking. But, I hope she understands that a lot of those people on "welfare" are disabled, elderly, single moms (LIKE HER), veterans, etc.  OH, and the most important thing about "welfare" that most people don't realize:

http://thinkbynumbers.org/government-spending/corporate-welfare/corporate-welfare-statistics-vs-social-welfare-statistics/ Government Spends More on Corporate Welfare Subsidies than Social Welfare Programs

Yep. Most of the money for programs deemed "welfare" goes towards corporations whose CEO's are making millions. Almost twice as much, in fact. 

As a side note, for those of you who think drug testing should be mandatory for welfare recipients, I sure hope you plan to include these corporations in that too. Cause you know damn well most of the people on welfare can't afford drugs, but millionaires sure can.

6. "No matter which one of these men win the election Jesus Christ is still King of this universe and we will ALL bow to Him one day. "

This one is mostly just here for proof of what I survived while living in Alabama. And also the perfect illustration of how Christians love to ignore what's going on in this life because their next one will be sooooo much better.

7. Mitt Romney didn't prepare a concession speech.
That says everything it needs to on its own.

There probably would have been a longer list, except everyone who said something that totally offended me got deleted months ago. Much better for my blood pressure, I think.  Point is, so many of these prevailing beliefs, in the words of the New York Times after the first presidential debate, "simply aren't true".  And I for one am glad America is being represented by a president whom I believe to be the perfect representation of what a man ought to be- a man who emulates true Christian ideals, a man who believes in people no matter their background, and a man who has never been accused of anything reprehensible or corrupt in his four years as president.  

This.

Yes. yes yes yes yes yes yes. YES Jenna Marbles.

A little bit political.

I've been trying so very, very hard to hold my tongue when it comes to "the Chick-fil-a thing" that the entire social media universe has been up in arms about for weeks now. I've merely resorted to silently expressing my opinion by doing what I do anytime anything majorly political happens: de-friending anyone who says/posts something that offends me. Childish? Sure. Effective? Absolutely.

Now. I'm fairly sure I've read just about every opinion you can possibly have about Chick-fil-a, from "they do so much good for families" to "damn, I loved their food..." to my personal favorite, a meme featuring Captain Picard asking "Why the fuck does a fast food chain get to have an opinion on same sex marriage?". Cheers, Picard. I agree.

I won't give my personal stance, though I'm sure you all smart enough to figure it out. However, I've seen one to many blatantly ignorant posts to be able to resist just this one little blogpost.

Many of my facebook "peers" (and I place the term in quotes because while it refers to those my age, I no longer consider us intellectually or morally equal) have helpfully pointed out that this is America, and by God, isn't the beautiful thing about America the fact that everyone, including a man who has built his fortune on a mountain of waffle fries and spicy poultry on a bun, has the right to an opinion and a right to act accordingly, so long as they remain within the law. Cool, go America. He can parade through every one of this franchises proclaiming the glory of god, and continue to donate the profits he makes on America's addiction to his sandwiches to any anti-gay organization he wants. That is his right. Yes, facebook (ex)friends, you are correct. And no, I don't suppose we should be shocked that a profoundly "Christian" man feels this way. Two points for you.

But.

What so many people I used to hold in fairly high esteem are failing to realize is perhaps the most blatant fallacy of all: The same beautiful country that grants Chick-fil-a the right to deny employment to homosexuals, and to boast to the world verbally and financially that they do not approve of homosexuality also does not recognize homosexual men and women as a legitimate group victimized by discrimination, or even deserving of basic human rights. The same nation's laws that protect Chick-fil-a's rights are blind to many of the struggles homosexual couples and individuals face. Chick-fil-a is entitled to their opinion and is free to act as they do because this form of sexual discrimination isn't even recognized under the law as discrimination. So sure, don't blame Chick-fil-a for voicing their opinion. Blame the nation that allows some individuals to be more equal than others.

Didn't catch that reference? Shame on you.

Look at it this way. If Burger King decided they weren't going to hire anyone of African American descent, and gave millions each year to fund KKK meetings and rallies, the nation would be up in arms with rage. The injustice, the discrimination! Furthermore, even the most racist southern inbreds would have to concede, for our national laws prevent such blatant discrimination.

"But hey, that's not fair!" cries the reverent Christian. "Being black isn't a choice!"

You're right. It's not. But, being religious is.

Imagine Susie Biblethumper walks into Pizza Hut looking for a job. They say, "helllllllll no, we won't hire us any religious freaks here! Get your Jesus-lovin' white ass outta here!" That Pizza Hut and its manager would be leveled within minutes, with the corporate president nailed to a cross in front of its grease stained ashes. Now, even if this rejection only resulted in a mild protest, the laws of our great nation would still protect Susie. Susie chose to be a Christian, but religious discrimination is a legally recognized and forbidden form of discrimination.

So yes.  Continue to eat your waffle fries dipped in those brilliant little ketchup contraptions in peace, whether you agree with Chick-fil-a's stance or not. But please, for the love of all things good in the world, stop harping on the fact that everyone has the right to an opinion, when clearly, everyone does not.

When you die, nothing happens.

Besides the general awful that is my Friday recitation (more to come later), today didn't call for a lot of snark. It was a pretty good day, actually. Here's to you, March 30th.

So, in leiu of some of my own snark, here's a classic from Dane Cook. I had this special on TV while studying and this particular rant caught my attention because it sounds exactly like a story I would tell. It has all the elements:

-an ordinary place and situation
-some random asshole making life difficult
- fun and creative nicknames (Johnny Ficus)
- really aggressive yet clever ranting
- the word "snarky" (!)

It's perfect. I salute you, Dane Cook.

Enjoy!

Bus Etiquette.

Currently, one of my favorite things to rant about is the F Bus. The F bus takes me to and from campus each day. That is where its usefullness ends. It's inevitably late or early, depending on whichever inconveniences me the most. And it always smells like something unpleasant, ranging from body odor to urine to weird chemical smells.

The best (read: worst) part about the F Bus, however, are its passengers. There are several other students like and unlike myself who are also forced to ride the F Bus. Then, there are the good people of Carrboro and Chapel Hill. They are quite the playbill, let me tell you. But I'll get to them another day.

This morning I was sitting in my usual spot, minding my own business, when Plaid Shirt Guy sits next to me. I'm going to call him Farmer John, because this shirt was atrocious, not cute in-style plaid, and he was all crinkly. I hate crinkly shirts.

(Let me interject here, before some of you start feeling bad for Farmer John. I told you I only pick on the irritating, the rude, the pretentious, and the generally awful. I'm getting to that part. You'll learn.)

So Farmer John sits down. I hate sitting next to strangers on the F Bus. They are rarely normal people. But I generally tolerate them because most of the time, people understand personal space and how to maintain it, supposing they are not morbidly obese and therefore incapable of doing so in a tiny bus seat. Farmer John did not understand personal space.

He sits with his legs sprawled out and bent forward, maximizing the amount of contact between his thigh and mine. This was the first strike. Then, each time the bus stopped (it was one of the brake-happy drivers) it forced his weight into mine. And of course, I was trapped against the edge of the seat. This continued for several minutes and my frustration with Farmer John reached critical mass. Finally, he seemed to realize that if he sat back in the seat like a civilized person, we both fit perfectly comfortably without the awkward warmth that is another person's thigh. I wanted to applaud him.

Mercifully, soon after, we reached my stop. Of course Farmer John got off, somehow cutting me off and reaching the door first. I growled a little.

Then, as a final blow to my sanity, he smacks me in the head while letting go of the handle from the bus stairs. "I hate you, Farmer John," I scowled, as I passed him on the sidewalk as quickly as possible to avoid any further contact. His shirt was still crinkly.

This may seem like a minor incident. But, I really hate people. Particularly those that touch me. Maybe I'll write a book about Bus Etiquette someday... though it wouldn't do any good. Half the people on the F Bus can't speak English. Or read, probably.

Snarkily Yours.